How to find solace in the moment that is being denied you by your mind that is casting everything you want into a maze. But not just any maze but one devised with doors that don’t open. There you stand at their threshold wandering which way to go.
You want to be able to move forward with a story but you will not put yourself where you need to be which is simply sitting down and writing. You tried this morning and could sustain your focus to produce a paragraph. But you had no real destination, no real place to take this new being you have elected to call Adam.
Inside the unfurling of an expanding cloud mass seeps the fading light of the sun now at a slant being cast over the horizon, this light becomes the uppermost thing that attracts the boy’s eyes now riveted to this one light that seems to him so purely white. He thinks how can something be so white. Then his mind looks askance at the heavens and he finds no answer which returns his mind to the solitary nature of that one expanding cloud that is the back drop of even more clouds though these other clouds are imbued with their own shade of white now turning darker as the sun drops precipitously away far around the rim of the earth now spinning the boy into twilight.
A story should begin with a boy because boys become men if they live long enough. It could just as well be a girl, but with the name Adam we would expect she is becoming. She is there lurking in the shadows but first we must feel the boy’s longings.
Can a boy long for a girl? Sure he feels that tightening of the groin but what makes him want a girl? A story is about answering questions. A story is also about silencing your ego, that part of you that rather be elsewhere; the ego always wants something else. It begs for distractions. It coos after everything but settles for nothing. Be silent you fool and lets follow this boy. Lets see with his eyes. Yes, we must silence the voice that wants to tell the writer’s story but that is distorted because that is the nature of memory. Better to start in the garden with the idea that with this Adam all things can begin. Around it surround your mind, excluding all else save for this journey that begins with a boy gazing after the sunset.
And hear softly the tinkling of cow bells. And the barking of a distant dog. Feel the sting of a mosquito and hear the slap of the palm. Legs running, extending themselves into a gallop. Heart pounding.